Dealing with the "youngest child syndrome" was quite hard. For the past 24 years of my existence, I never had a chance to experience how to live by ownself, fend for myself and basically, think about myself, and myself ALONE. And finally! I was given the green light to go and explore the real world- all by myself.
It wasn't that easy for me to make that decision. I listed the pro's and con's of living alone. I prayed, discerned, and asked for signs prior to what I've planned. Eventually, the signs were evident enough for me to make my stand. I was just SOOOO ecstatic- I have to drag along my friends to accompany me in buying my mattress, eating utensils, electric fan and the like. 2 weeks before my "scheduled voluntary eviction" (PBB ito), I was already transferring some of my stuff to my new palace (I'm a princess, remember?)
Now the day has finally come. My first night? Well, I went home quite late, for the fact that I have to buy my own fan or else I'll die of heat stroke. I had a hard time sleeping ) and the succeeding nights were simply blissful for me despite the warm weather. And the golden learnings? I learned how to fetch a pail of water (in a daily basis); I learned how to wake up early and think about what I'm going to eat in the next 3 meals; I learned the value of pakikisama; I learned how to do my laundry, and most importantly, I learned how to use my resources wisely. More golden learnings are yet to come, and I'm simply preparing for all of these.
Not everybody knows what I went through as I made my "graceful" exit (It was graceful for me, I don't know with others). But I simply thank God for giving me a humble heart to accept my faults and weaknesses. It may have resulted to my pierced heart, but there is no other way but to change and move on. I have been anticipating this to happen, and I prayed that if this day comes, I hope I am on my way to the right path. He truly gave me the desires of my heart, and even though I have grown in Spirit, it still won't be convincing enough for those I have hurt. So my stand? I don't want to be that assertive in convincing them; I'll just have to continue my mission (and to think I've got a lot of activities lined up!), for as long as I can prove to myself (not to anyone) that I made a 360○ towards renewal.
I thank God for giving me an imperfect family, whom I have grown with. I may not have experienced the kind of love that I wanted, but their imperfections truly taught me a lot. My earthly angels, who served as my second family, for their unending support and prayers, and for accepting me for who I am. Lastly, to My King, who witnessed how I stumbled, fall and stood up amidst all the trials He has given me. As a certified Princess of God, I am proud to say that I have my own story to tell, and He affirmed how special I am in spite of my weaknesses.
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